Last year, I wrote this article but then opted to do a video with a similar message. I hope it’s encouraging to you!
We were playing the question game. I was anticipating fun, lighthearted questions and lots of laughter. Instead, this question was hurled at me: With whom do you feel most known? I felt a wave of hurt wash over my heart.
I listened carefully as each person smiled and shared memories with various people. They painted beautiful word pictures of friendship, love, and trust. It made me happy that they each had specific people who knew them, really knew them. But it also made me ache a little bit because recently, I’ve really been struggling with that.
I want someone to look at me and immediately know what I’m thinking and what I need. I want someone to appreciate and understand all the different sides of me. I want someone who accepts me for me. I long to feel known.
There are definitely people in my life who know me well, but they only know parts of me. I have friends who know the me before I moved. I have friends who know the me from this phase of life, as an MK. I have friends who know the me that loves certain hobbies. But I am a combination of all of those phases and interests and it’s easy to feel lonely and misunderstood when no one realizes that.
Sadly, I think this is one of the many “curses” of being a third culture kid (TCK). TCKs undergo so much transition and experience such unique memories that it’s hard to find people who can pick up all of our pieces and glue them together to see who we really are. But there is somebody who will always understand.
God created me. He knows every memory I’ve ever made, hears my every thought, He feels every flutter of my heart. He knows me. And He will be the only one, ever, to really know me. That knowledge is hard for me to grasp. I long for a human to know me, not “just” God. But the truth is, humans are flawed and no human will ever be able to fully know me like God knows me.
I’m sure you are familiar with Psalm 139. It’s easy to skim over the profound truth that is hidden in the all-too-familiar words, but the reason that psalm is so used and known is because it does contain such beautiful truth. One verse in particular stands out to me, “You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways.” (vs. 3).
That’s such a sweet reminder. It reminds me that God knows me, and loves me. It also reminds me to give my struggles of feeling unknown to God because He truly knows me. He is acquainted with all of my ways.